Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
