anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
