i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
