happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
