I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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