peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
