is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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