How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize