So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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