she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
