Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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