Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize