I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
