Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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