and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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