Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
