Cold hands, warm shart.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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