Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
