Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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