I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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