You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
