bring money and cleavage
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
