im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
