found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
