I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
