I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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