quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
