Hey man sorry I got all grabby
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
