I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
honey bunches of taint.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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