you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
