420 ftw
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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