Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
