Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
