I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
