i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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