Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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