i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
