If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
