my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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