were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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