awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
