I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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