Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
