Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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