When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
