Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
