You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
