You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
