I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He shit in the fireplace
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
