if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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