I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize