Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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