hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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