i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
