dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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