i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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