Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
