You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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