Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My bed smells like the plague
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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