Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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