I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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