so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
