Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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